Wild Goose Chase
by cheesepuff
Summary: Yami Bakura and Malik were having a perfectly peaceful and dull day until they decided to take a visit to the local mini-mart. This fic has no real point, and was just for fun. Please read and REVIEW! ^_~
1. Malik's Rod Takes Flight

I got distracted from 'How Things Were' again, oops! Oh well I just updated it anyway. Just another fic that popped into my head, I suppose is what this is. This is very pointless, my *sad* attempt at humor, heehee. Please review!  
  
Yami Bakura = Bakura (it's easier for me)  
  
~*~*~  
  
Wild Goose Chase  
  
The day was nice, sunny and peaceful. Far to peaceful if you asked the white haired boy who was sitting glumly on a plushy couch. He was living in the Bakura family's residence. The house was quite nice, clean and homely, it always seemed to have a welcoming atmosphere. The 'young' man yawned broadly and stretched out his long legs and arms.  
  
"Ow! What the hell, Bakura? That was my eye!"  
  
Bakura looked up to see what the commotion was about, apparently when he flung up his arms, his good friend Malik had gotten an eye full of it. He smirked as he watched the blond rub his eye.  
  
"Why were you just standing there? And why are you in my house, I don't remember inviting you," the spirit stood up and lazily crossed his pale arms over his chest.  
  
"I don't know why I was standing there, you didn't invite me I was just bored, and ow! You didn't have to hit me!" The boy pulled his hand away from his eye to reveal that there was absolutely nothing wrong with it.  
  
"Don't be such a whiner," Bakura said and then reached out and poked Malik's other eye, "You'll live."  
  
"OW! You asshole!"  
  
Laughing Bakura plopped back onto the couch. He sighed, could this day get more dull? The couch bounced as Malik settled himself next to his friend. He pulled out his millennium rod and poked Bakura with it.  
  
"What should we do," he poked him again. Bakura swatted at Malik and shoved the tanned boy off the couch.  
  
"I don't know, but I have to get out of this house, it's suffocating me."  
  
Malik scratched his chin from his place on the floor, "Hmm. if the this is suffocating," He grabbed a pillow from the couch and smothered the spirit's face in it, "then what is this?"  
  
Malik laughed and pinned Bakura down as the pale boy struggled, his arms and legs flailing. After a good 60 seconds Malik removed the pillow. Bakura gasped and wheezed breathlessly for a minute before swinging a punch at Malik, which was easily dodged. The boy was still laughing like a maniac.  
  
"I think we need to find something to do before we kill each other," Malik snorted. Bakura was too busy glowering at him to answer. Malik poked him once again, and walked to the kitchen. He rummaged through the pantry and refrigerator, but found nothing appetizing.  
  
"You have absolutely nothing good to eat, we are going to the store." Malik grabbed Bakura by the ear and dragged him from the house, Bakura protesting all the way.  
  
The two troublesome boys arrived at a nearby mini-mart ten minutes later. The bells on the door rang as they entered and headed for the junk food. After several arguments about what kind of chips to buy (they decided on cheetoes) the pair made for the soft drinks. Malik glanced down the aisle towards the alcohol. He nudged Bakura.  
  
"Hey do you think we look old enough to get some boozes?" There was a mischievous gleam in his eyes. Bakura shook his head sadly.  
  
"I am old enough to get some, but I'm stuck looking young and beautiful," he sighed dramatically. Malik rolled his lavender eyes sarcastically and muttered about how Bakura's head seemed to get bigger everyday. The other boy scowled.  
  
"Fine, lets give it a try, I'm sure we could con the salesman." The two walked over and grabbed a six pack to add to their sodas and chips. They sauntered up to the cash register trying to look casual. Bakura managed just fine seeing as he was a pro at this type of thing, but Malik was worse off. He was squirming uncomfortably and it ended looking like he had to take a piss. The cashier gave him an odd look as Malik slammed the basket that contained their purchases on the counter.  
  
"We'd like to buy this beer and stuff," he said in an unnaturally deep tone of voice. Bakura smacked his head and shoved Malik from the counter as the cashier rang up the price. The kid was a bad liar.  
  
"May I see an ID card?" asked the man from behind the counter, his nametag stating that he went by Bert. Bakura sighed a little frustrated; of course he didn't have a card to show.  
  
"I forgot the thing in my car, man. Do you think you could let it slid just this once?" Bakura leaned lightly on the counter, he may have gotten away with the lie if it hadn't been for Malik. He was standing just behind Bakura nodding his head over excitedly at Bakura's scheme. Bert wasn't too stupid and caught on.  
  
"Sorry kid, no card, no beer. I'm sure you're too young anyway," he finished ringing up the chips and soda, and stuck them in a plastic bag. Bakura growled as he forked over the money and grabbed the bag, but as Bert turned his head Bakura also made a grab for the beer. Just as he was about to get away Bert noticed what was missing.  
  
"Hey kid! Drop that now! See the sign?" He pointed at the register, "No stealing." The troublesome duo stopped for a moment before laughing, like a sign would stop anyone. They were just about to make a break for it when Bakura realized there was a rifle pointed in his face.  
  
"I warned yeh, now drop the beer an' nobody gets hurt," growled Bert, gun in hand. Malik and Bakura's eyes went wide as saucers, they bolted and Bakura dropped the beer. If the boys had tails they would have been in between their legs. They ran until they reached the park and collapsed on a bench.  
  
"Whew! That was close, at least you snagged the beer, huh?" Malik said as he stared up at the clouds. When Bakura didn't answer Malik glanced over at him. He had an almost sheepish look of guilt on his face. Malik stared in disbelief.  
  
"You left it? After all that you left it," he sighed sadly.  
  
"That cloud looks like Pac-man," Bakura stated pointing at the sky. Malik ignored him.  
  
"Well at least we got our snack," he reached down to where Bakura had dropped the bag. There was nothing there. He looked at Bakura again, "You left that too!?"  
  
"No, I swear I got that, I set it right." Bakura saw the bag was missing, he looked suspiciously around. Out of the corner of his eye he caught a glance of the bag sliding behind a tree.  
  
"Malik! The bag, it's getting away!" The two jumped up and ran towards the tree only to find that the bag was no longer there. Malik sank to his knees.  
  
"Nooooooo!" The poor boy sobbed, "It's really gone."  
  
Bakura looked around. All he saw was a flock of geese by a pond, he started to scan the rest of the park, but then snapped his eyes back to the geese. He swore one of the number was evilly staring at him and laughing, er, squawking. On closer inspection he noticed something by its feet. It was their bag!  
  
He kicked Malik to get his attention. The mournful boy looked up at him. His expression was very irritated.  
  
"Look, that evil goose has our snacks," Bakura impatiently pointed out to him. Malik looked up and glared at the creature. Evil plans were brewing in his mind, roasted goose sounded awfully nice.  
  
"What are we waiting for, lets show that thing who the boss is!" Malik unsheathed his millennium rod and charged. Just as he was about to stab the horrible bird the thing took flight. It squawked tauntingly and flew away with the boys' food. Malik threw his rod at the goose in one last attempt to save what was rightfully his, but his precious millennium rod just got caught in the bag.  
  
Malik stood dumbstruck. Bakura ran up to him. "We'll get it back Malik, although I can't see why you were stupid enough to throw that thing anyways. We'll get it back," He patted the boy on the shoulder, "Anyways that goose has my lunch too, so we have no choice but to hunt it down." His eyes blazed.  
  
"Yes, now lets go!" The two frightfully insane young men chased after the frightfully evil goose in hope of getting back the millennium rod, and most importantly their snacks.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Whoa! That turned out different then I expected. Like I said, this was my *sad* attempt at humor. Review and I'll love you forever, and so will Malik and Bakura. ^_~  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! 


	2. Ryou's Brilliant Plan

Thank you to the small handful of people who reviewed, you all made me feel extra special! *gives a huge, toothy, ear-ear grin* ^_^ Or that also could be because I am "extra special". Who really knows?  Anywho—you probably don't care what I have to say and would rather read the story, right? AM I RIGHT? Ahem- *points at computer screen* On with the story!!!

Oh wait, one more thing! Bakurasgirl and I are going to be hosting a Yu-Gi-Oh fan art contest.  You are welcome and encouraged to enter.  Info on it will be up soon at my web site, . Now ON WITH THE STORY, for real this time.

~*~*~

Wild Goose Chase: Ryou's Brilliant Plan 

Bakura and Malik chased the feathered monster for hours, but they were at a disadvantage since they couldn't fly and the goose, obviously, could.  They lost sight of the beast when it flew behind Kaiba Corp.  Bakura let out a frustrated yell,

"DAMN YOU KAIBA CORP!" 

This was closely followed by a string of curses that escaped from Malik.  The two were exhausted and decided that they would continue the chase the next day with the help of Bakura's millennium ring.  The downhearted boys walked towards The Bakura Family's Residence to discuss plans to get back the Millennium Rod and their snacks.

When they arrived Ryou greeted the two cheerfully at the door.  Bakura shoved him out of the way and was about pass when Ryou shoved him back.

"Hey! I was being nice what's up your ass?" 

"Your Mama!" This was Bakura's lame response, typical male reaction.

Then he was tackled to the ground by Ryou while Malik watched in shock.  Ryou had Bakura pinned to the ground and was yanking his hair, and Bakura was struggling to get free, to no avail.  Bakura pulled Ryou's head to his level and whispered,

"This is one of my evil psycho friends, I have to look like I have control over you and that you are my submissive, well behaved hikari.  Not that you can beat the crap out of me!"

Ryou's eyes widened, "Oh, Malik's one of those guys I have to act like that around? Sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you." Ryou rolled off and helped Bakura to his feet, then he averted his eyes to show "respect" and "fear" and asked, 

"I've learned my lesson, Master Bakura, may I get you anything?"

"Yes, get me some graph paper, a compass, a pencil, and some gold fish crackers."

"Yes, Master."  Ryou winked at Bakura as he left the room.  Malik stared with his mouth hanging open like a dead fish.

"What just happened? Learned his lesson—you didn't even do anything to him." 

"Oh," Bakura brushed away his comment as though it was nothing out of the ordinary, "Just looking at my beautiful, powerful self strikes fear into his heart." A snort of laughter was heard from the next room.  Bakura scowled at the door Ryou had left through then turned to Malik. "ANYWAYS, we are going to need a plan of attack if we are planning on getting that goose."

"Yes, that thing has my Millennium Rod, and…"

"AND my cheetoes!" interrupted Bakura.

"Hey, they're mine too!"

"Hmph! I paid for them." 

"Good point—wait!  I paid for half!" Malik lunged at Bakura.  Ryou walked in with the stack of supplies Bakura had asked for.

"Children, children break it up. What's all this fighting about?" He dumped the stuff on a coffee table in the living room.  Bakura immediately snatched the gold fishies and pointed at Malik.

"He started it."

"Wha—"

"I don't care, so what's all this about?" Ryou plopped into a chair, and the other two followed suit.  He was referring to the materials he had just brought.

"Well, earlier today we went to the store and bought some snacks," Malik explained, "and we went to the park to eat them, when suddenly, out of nowhere, this HUGE biker guy grabbed our snacks."

"That's not…" Malik shot Bakura a look and continued.

"So, as I was saying, this HUGE thug made off with out snacks, but we weren't going to let him get away with it, no, we chased after him.  I was just about to stab him with my millennium rod when this other dude, who was even bigger, grabbed it out of my hand and gave it to the other guy.  Then he flew away with our stuff."

Malik nodded thinking that it was damn good story he came up with.  Bakura crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.  And Ryou raised his eyebrows.

"Ok, so you're telling me this guy took your stuff and just _flew_ away?"

Malik eagerly nodded his head, then paused.  "Umm… and when I said _flew_ I meant ran. Heh-heh…"

"Shut up, Malik, before you look even stupider," Bakura cut in, "Ok, what really happened is a goose out of hell made off with our snacks, Malik ran after it and threw *cough* dumbass *cough* his millennium rod at the goose as it flew away and it got caught in the bag.  We chased it around for hours and then came back here when we lost sight of it."

"Oh, I see," Ryou said seriously before he burst out laughing, "That's some HUGE thug, Malik!" 

He scowled defensively.  Bakura patted his shoulder, "It's ok Malik.  The stuff I had you get is for planning to get back MY cheetoes and Malik's rod." Bakura picked up the pad of paper and pencil, "I just don't know where to start." He sighed and set them back on the coffee table.  Ryou snatched them up a second later.

"I've got an idea!" He exclaimed not unlike a crazed scientist who had just made a breakthrough in their research.  He started scribbling in the paper as Malik and Bakura waited expectantly for an answer.  They waited, and they waited… and they waited, but no answer came.  Only the sound of the pencil scratching frantically on the paper.  The two boys exchanged a look, and Bakura reached forward and grabbed Ryou's hand.

"Umm… Ryou, you've been writing like that for an hour, care to explain?"  Bakura's hand was swatted away.

"I'll tell you when I'm done, no go away!" Ryou had a wild look in his eyes and Bakura slowly backed away and took his seat next to Malik on the couch.  They watched Ryou work late into the night, and when they fell asleep Ryou was still in mad scientist mode.

The next day Malik was the first to wake up.  He opened his heavy eyelids and glanced around realizing he was still at The Bakura Family's Residence.  His head was resting on Bakura's shoulder, which was now covered with Malik drool.  He quickly lifted up his head and scooted away from Bakura before he woke up.  Ryou wasn't in the room anymore, but breakfast could be smelled coming from the kitchen.  Malik sniffed the air.

"Mmm… bacon. Follow your nose wherever it goes," Malik stated before flowing the scent to the kitchen.  Ryou was in there slaving over the stove, he had dark circles under his eyes.

"Good morning, would you like some bacon, huh, huh, huh?" Malik took a nervous step back, then he noticed the cup of coffee in Ryou's shaking hand.  The boy's eyes were wide and blood-shot, his light hair disheveled.

"Uh, Ryou, how many cups of that have you had?" Malik gestured to the coffee.

"Oh I lost count at nine, now go wake up Bakura.  I'll bring out breakfast in a minute," Ryou turned back to the frying pan and Malik retreated from the kitchen.  Away from the caffinated boy.  He took his seat next to Bakura and shook the spirit. Bakura snorted loudly and muttered something about cheese.  His eyes fluttered open and he stretched and yawned.

"Rise and shine oh mighty evil one," Ryou walked into the room carrying a large plate of bacon.  He set it lightly down on the coffee table.  Bakura reached out and grabbed a piece, as did Malik who thought it was odd that bacon was all they were having for breakfast.  Bakura leaned back and threw his feet up on the table ignoring Ryou's disapproving looks.

"So, Ryou, what's your plan to get Sir Goose-a-lot?"

"Sir Goose-a-… Oh! Oh yeah! I thought you'd never ask." He pulled out the pad of paper form out of seeming nowhere and held it out for them to see.  The paper was covered in a complex network of arrows and squares and a picture of a chicken.  Ryou smiled proudly.

"This is what you were up all night doing?" Malik asked in disbelief.  Bakura grabbed the pad out of Ryou's hand and stared at it as he munched his bacon.

"Ok, I get everything except the chicken.  What was that for?  It doesn't make sense." Ryou grabbed the paper back defensively, and gave Bakura a hurt look.

"I'm sorry! I can't help it if I can't draw geese."

"Oh, ok then, if you say so."

Ryou suddenly jumped up, grabbed the boys' hands and dragged them to the door.  He opened it and shoved them out and slammed the door.  The two sat in stunned silence, apparently Ryou had drank a little too much coffee and was in an uncontrollably insane state of mind.  The door opened again and Ryou stuck his head out.

"Time for you guys to go catch some goose, have fun!" He tossed the pad of paper at them, smiled sweetly and slammed the door shut again.  Bakura jumped up and tried to open the door. It was locked.  He pounded on the wood.

"Ryou, I didn't get to change or shower! I feel icky and sticky."

"Come here Bakura," Malik pulled the sulking boy from the door and picked up Ryou's work, "Did you really get what all the arrows and squares meant?"

Bakura looked at it, "No."

Malik sighed exasperatedly and tossed the paper over his shoulder.  "Well I guess we should go get my millennium rod, and…"

"AND my cheetoes!" Bakura took off down the street, having absolutely no idea where he was going, with Malik on his heels.

"They're HALF MINE!"

~*~*~

That is where we will leave our frightfully insane boys for today.  What will happen when they meet up with Sir Goose-A-Lot again? Find out NEXT TIME!

OMG! That sucked, I probably shouldn't have even posted it. Bad, bad, bad!  Oh well, what can you do?  I forgot to mention earlier that this was OOC, but I'm sure you already figured that out.  So please REVIEW and tell me what you think, oh yeah, and do you think this should be a bakura/malik romance, or not?  

OH! My fav song just came on the radio! Yay, Audioslave!


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